WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Hailing his executive order that welcomes “the extremely oppressed white people of South Africa” to America’s shores, Donald J. Trump said on Thursday that the move would help alleviate the US’s severe shortage of racists. “We have a racist shortage in this country like you wouldn’t believe,” Trump told reporters. “When I was putting together my Cabinet, there were barely enough racists to fill all the positions.” Vowing to “make apartheid great again,” Trump promised the Afrikaners that they would "go far" in America, noting, “My boss is from South Africa.” © 2025 Andy Borowitz |